Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
