what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
