the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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