just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
