I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
