If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
