I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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