So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
