Whod you bang
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
