I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
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Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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