I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
