I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
