I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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