Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
