i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
