She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
