We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
