I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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