On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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