I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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