I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
