the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
