dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
