god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
