he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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