i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
