It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
