sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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