I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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