At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
