remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
