I got chris browned last night
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
