conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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