How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
