I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
