Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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