seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
