In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize