If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
