I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
