awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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