Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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