Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
