I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
