Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
