hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
