I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
be right there i have to get my cape
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
