I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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