Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize