no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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