wakey wakey hands off snakey
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
