being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
