It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
