it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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