My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
FUCK WHALES
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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