i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
