...so i touched it.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
