You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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