he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
