I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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