Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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