I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
