Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
