please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I want a musical about memes.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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