What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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