I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
