Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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