good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
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At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
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You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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