why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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