Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
