I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
