My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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