Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
