Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
