my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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