So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
