There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
