You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
