i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
