I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
