How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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