How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up under a house in Key West
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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