You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
