Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
